It is not surprising that you are upset with what your father is saying, and how he is saying it. You feeling bad about yourself in one area can affect your confidence in other areas too. Caring mum’s and dad’s will usually try to give their kids helpful information, which they think will assist the children deal with current or future problems. Unfortunately, because parents aren’t perfect, the message they’re giving, or the way they say it, might sometimes not be perfect either. One reason for this is that, because they naturally worry about how life might be for their sons or daughters, parents can actually become overly-afraid of some problems, or might even see problems that aren’t there yet for their kids yet. Some parents also have some of their own experiences, feelings, beliefs or worries which they have always been sensitive about, which they might pass onto their children: they may have to do with looking and behaving in certain ways (eg. fitting in, being popular, not appearing ‘too different’). Yet, regardless of why your dad is saying what he is, you feeling really bad about your body as a result is not a good thing.

Even though TV and the magazines can make it seem like everyone should have only one body type, the reality is that there are many healthy body types: some larger, some smaller, some in between (sometimes even within the same family). And that’s the point here: this should be first and foremost a health issue. How were you feeling about yourself before dad started calling you fat ? If you were generally happy about things it might’ve meant that your weight was not an issue for you in your life. If you are healthy, eating the right combination of foods (as recommended by a General Medical Practitioner (GP) or nutritionist), exercising regularly and sleeping well, you’d be well on the way to good physical self care. If you are unsure about these areas, speak to your doctor. He or she should give you good information about the shape you are in - health wise.

Meanwhile, there may be many things about you that are great (how you think, how you treat other people, what your interests are) and which you should be proud of. However, when dad keeps focussing on your physical appearance, not only might you feel bad about how you look, but it might seem like all those other important things about you don’t count as much. This can really hurt a person’s feelings, and – if so - it’s very important that you have someone to talk about it too. Is there another trusted adult family member or friend you can discuss this with ? What about your school counsellor, or even a Kidshelpline phone counsellor (1800 55 1800). Just as it’s important to get clear on how your physical health is going, your emotional health, or feelings about this situation, should also be supported.

If you tried to explain how you felt about this situation to your dad, would he understand ? What if he understood that his calling you fat could– far from encouraging you to feel good about yourself and have a healthy body – be harmful for you physically and emotionally? If he is the kind of dad you can talk about stuff to it’s really important that you let him know how his comments affect you. If he chooses not to listen to you, perhaps you could ask him to talk to your family GP and / or a Parentline phone counsellor in your state about how he speaks to you about your figure. He is also most welcome to write into us here at The Line if he has any questions about discussing physical appearance, feelings and health with your sister and yourself. For now, you should focus on your health and having your upset feelings supported by a caring and qualified person. If you are worried about the shape you are in, seek some advice from your Doctor. Although we don’t hear this message often enough, how our bodies look is nowhere near as important as what condition they are in: if healthy, they can help us to do a lot of really interesting, fun and important things in our lives, and that’s the key to truly enjoying and feeling good about our bodies.